I’d also add a note on “stress is a choice.” I believe it can become a conscious choice, but only when we have enough support, safety, and capacity.
Otherwise, framing stress as a choice can become dangerous. It can add another layer of self-blame: “Why couldn't I just choose differently?”
Many of our stress responses are automatic, shaped by a whole range of factors, like our nervous system, genes, environment, upbringing, and conditioning.
So the work is not to blame ourselves for the response, but to create enough space and support for a different response to become possible.
“The real challenge is developing the self-awareness to realize that things are not okay.”
This is so true. We can’t address the problem until we admit there is one.
I went through my own stage of denial, asking every specialist I met to help me become “more resilient.” And every one of them gently tried to shift the question: “You need to recover first. What you’re going through is not normal.”
I believe it happens, because the deeper layer is often identity: “I should be able to handle this,” “If I step back, I’m failing.”
Thank you for such an honest piece. Finding your own ways on how to “care less” in a healthy way, and finding something outside work (physical, creative, or social) that brings us back to ourselves is a great next step.
Thank you for your comment and for sharing your story.
Self-awareness is one of the things I believe yoga helped with a lot. Not only by creating the awareness that body and mind can have different, often misaligned states, but also by building resilience.
It is not a magic pill, but it is definitely a step in the right direction.
And your view that we keep pushing because the activity is tied to our identity: I completely relate.
In my case, I studied for so many years to get to that position, and it was exactly what I wanted to become. That contributed to an unhealthy state whenever I faced resistance to my views. Today, I take that resistance as part of the process. I don't take it personally or see it as an affront to my abilities.
I’d also add a note on “stress is a choice.” I believe it can become a conscious choice, but only when we have enough support, safety, and capacity.
Otherwise, framing stress as a choice can become dangerous. It can add another layer of self-blame: “Why couldn't I just choose differently?”
Many of our stress responses are automatic, shaped by a whole range of factors, like our nervous system, genes, environment, upbringing, and conditioning.
So the work is not to blame ourselves for the response, but to create enough space and support for a different response to become possible.
“The real challenge is developing the self-awareness to realize that things are not okay.”
This is so true. We can’t address the problem until we admit there is one.
I went through my own stage of denial, asking every specialist I met to help me become “more resilient.” And every one of them gently tried to shift the question: “You need to recover first. What you’re going through is not normal.”
I believe it happens, because the deeper layer is often identity: “I should be able to handle this,” “If I step back, I’m failing.”
Thank you for such an honest piece. Finding your own ways on how to “care less” in a healthy way, and finding something outside work (physical, creative, or social) that brings us back to ourselves is a great next step.
Hello Daria!
Thank you for your comment and for sharing your story.
Self-awareness is one of the things I believe yoga helped with a lot. Not only by creating the awareness that body and mind can have different, often misaligned states, but also by building resilience.
It is not a magic pill, but it is definitely a step in the right direction.
And your view that we keep pushing because the activity is tied to our identity: I completely relate.
In my case, I studied for so many years to get to that position, and it was exactly what I wanted to become. That contributed to an unhealthy state whenever I faced resistance to my views. Today, I take that resistance as part of the process. I don't take it personally or see it as an affront to my abilities.
Really enjoyed your comments, Daria!